The biggest disgrace of all was Emmanuel Eboue. He was so anonymous in the first period that his red-card challenge on Evra five minutes into the second-half was his first meaningful contribution to the game

No Sagna, no Clichy, no Flamini, no fight

Talk about déjà vu eh? Prior to the Kiddies Cup semi against the Spuds we hadn’t had a real tonking in ages, and now two in the space of a month. What’s that saying about London buses…?

Like Mean Lean said in his MyVision yesterday, I too was completely un-nervous before this game. So much so that, paradoxically, in the hours leading to kick-off my lack of nerves began to worry me. Normally with Arse/Utd games I’m a wreck prior to the game, even the night before I have a strange sense of foreboding before I go to bed. But this time, nothing. Why? Because I felt the outcome would be one of two things: either we were gonna go there and piss all over them like we did in 2003 in and run away easy winners, or it’d be something more like the Stepnaovs-inspired 6-1 battering in 2001. As it transpired, it was much closer to the latter scenario.

I was shocked to hear that Cristiano Ronaldo was not even on the bench, and even more shocked to see that Fergie was lining up with a five-man midfield. My immediate thoughts were: “Why is Fergie parking the bus AT HOME against a WEAKENED Arsenal team? Is he scared?”

And then I saw the pitch. What a fucking bog. Has it been raining cats and dogs in Manchester? I dunno. The Beeb commentary revealed that they had just watered the pitch prior to kick-off, but it was a flipping swamp. And then it dawned on me: “Ah that’s why Fergie has rested Ronaldo/Giggs/Tevez/Scholes, because he isn’t here to play football, he’s deliberately muddied the pitch to stop our boys playing and has installed three battlers in the middle of the park.” And I was proved correct early on as Cesc and Bendtner attempted a one-two on the edge of the United box. There was nothing wrong with the execution of the move, but the ball stopped midway to its destination. Of course it wasn’t just us suffering from the shit pitch as the Mancs tried to string a move through midfield; each pass BARELY reaching its intended target.

But in no way am I using the pitch as an excuse, it was merely a very small contributing factor to the crapulence of our performance. It’s the travelling Gooners who I feel sorry for, having to schlep their way for half a day up and down the country for a ninety-minute horror show. At least the Shite Hart Lane debacle was closer to home. Those who stayed until the end, to a man, deserve their money back. That of course ain’t gonna happen, so the least they are due is something better against Milan.

Just as United were taking the corner that led to the first goal, I thought to myself: “If we can get the opener then I can see a repeat of 2003.” More fool me. The corner was half-cleared, Cesc pulled out of the challenge for the second ball and it was headed back into the danger zone, where Rooney lurked with menace and flicked it past the helpless Jens. And it got worse two minutes later when a cross from the left was diverted goalwards by a mixture of Darren Fletcher and Willy Gallas. Poor Willy, I hope that doesn’t go down as an own goal because he was one of few Arsenal players to show the requisite fight. He doesn’t deserve the ignominy of an own goal to his name.

We barely ventured into United territory for the remainder of the half, in fact we didn’t even win a corner all game. The closest we came was when Bendtner failed to make a decent connection with an excellent cross from Armand Traore (the only good thing he did all day). And we had a ‘goal’ ruled out for offside when it was clear that the man being flagged was not active. Had play gone on then you cannot be sure whether the move would have led to anything, but it would have been nice to find out. The situation worsened five minutes before half-time when Nani got on the end of a ball over the top of our defence and finished past Jens. Half-time couldn’t come soon enough, especially for the full-backs, who had a ‘mare.

Those expecting The Arsenal to come out all guns blazing in the second period were mistaken. It was a mixture of inability to get the passing game going and, more worryingly, a distinct lack of fight. It was as if they gave up at 2-0 down and decided to reserve themselves for the Milan test. In a way that is totally understandable – why run the risk of injury chasing a lost cause? On the other hand, it is totally reprehensible and an affront to the Arsenal faithful who had to witness this abomination in person. £40 for a ticket plus lord knows how much for travelling (be it petrol or train tickets), and to be served with that was a disgrace.

The biggest disgrace of all was Emmanuel Eboue. He was so anonymous in the first period that his red-card challenge on Evra five minutes into the second-half was his first meaningful contribution to the game. There and then I wished the game would end and was happy to finish with a 3-0 defeat, and I’m sure many of you shared my feelings. Such was the depths we had plunged to that I was HAPPY TO ACCEPT A THREE-NIL HAMMERING. Not good eh, especially against your rivals.

The closest we came was an Eduardo header that sailed just over. But the real question was how much damage we could limit at the back. With fifteen minutes to go the Mancs added a fourth with Fletcher nodding in at the back post. Rooney could have added to our woes a couple of times but Jens saved well. The Krazy Kraut has once again gone up in my estimation as he has stopped bitching about Manuel and got on with diligently doing his job. He’s one of few players to come out with any credit from this collapse.

I’d started to get angry around the 80 minute mark, venting my fury at the TV whilst pointing out to my mum what the Mancs were chanting to Le Boss. Then Nani really got my goat as he juggled the ball on his head from the halfway line back towards his own goal. Justin was tracking him and I was screaming at the telly for him to hack the showboater down, but he slipped. The boy is Arsenal through and through and he of all people must have been hurting from the embarrassment being caused by the young Portugeezer, but his failure to do anything about it summed up his day. In the end it was left to the Flamster to show some fight and clatter man and ball.

By this time Ade had come and was looking to continue his goalscoring run, so much so that he tried to win a penalty but was booked for diving. I’m not saying whether it was or wasn’t simulation, but I seem to remember a certain young ENGLISH player doing similar down the other end a few years ago and winning a penalty. Thankfully we didn’t concede a fifth, which was a small mercy given that the crowing Mancs were chanting: “we want five.”

Jens – without him it could have been a lot worse, thwarted Rooney one-on-one towards the end and had to save smartly when Rooney’s free-kick took a deflection of Carrick. Not at fault for any of the goals. Shame about his kicking though: he should just launch it forward instead of looking to chip it to the full-backs. Does he not realise how difficult it is for them to control a ball on their chest with three Mancs swarming around them?

Armand/Justin – not good at all, especially Armand. Both were caught out of position on numerous occasions, this being highlighted when Armand failed to track Nani for their third. Armand is clearly the more talented of the two, but at least you know with Justin that this defeat rankles him. Not a lot of cover afforded to either from Eduardo/Hleb/Eboue to be fair. Armand may be better served doing an Eboue (by converting him into a winger I mean, not copying Eboue in terms of being a dickhead). How we missed Bacary and Gael…

Kolo/Willy – the partnership that looked so solid prior to the African Nations was run ragged by the rampaging Rooney. They only had one man to deal with yet failed to do so. Kolo particularly looked rusty – to the point where one may even consider bringing in Phil for the Milan game ahead of him.

Cesc/Alex – looked thoroughly disinterested, especially the Spaniard. This was summed up by his lack of aerial challenge in their first goal. Alex pulled of a few decent dribbles but overall the whole midfield was overrun by the United trio of Anderson, Carrick and Fletcher.

Gilberto – I’ve rated him on his own because I actually thought this was one of his better performances this season. And that is a very sad indictment because he was still below average. One of few Gooners to show some passion – if you could combine his heart with Diarra’s legs then we’d be on easy street.

Eboue – no comment.

Eduardo/Bendtner – seeing as I’ve only mentioned them a couple of times each thus far, I think it’s fair to say they were pretty anonymous. Didn’t have much service from the midfield to be honest.

Will that atrocity send our whole season into freefall? How will that psychologically affect our return to Old Trafford in the league in April? Hell, will we still even be top by then? So many questions, so few answers right now. Only time will tell. If we beat Milan and Birmingham then it’ll be seen as a small price to pay. But if those two games don’t go according to plan and the rest of the season goes pear-shaped, then truly the downward spiral began here. Dare I say: bring on Milan?