The season seems to have accelerated and spun out of control, and in all our red and white guts, we all know things are out of kilter

It’s crisis time at Arsenal. At this point there’s no disguising it. 3 losses and two draws in November having played just one of last season’s Top 7 means 13 points drifting towards a huge black hole somewhere in outer space.

The season seems to have accelerated and spun out of control, and in all our red and white guts, we all know things are out of kilter.

It started on Day 2 of the Season. A gutless Arsenal team did not overturn a stupid goal conceded against Fulham. The chances were there, but were not created, and Arsenal were dominated in midfield by Jimmy Bullard and Danny Murphy.

Next, came the convincing performances against Blackburn, Bolton and FC Twente. Arsenal even went to the top of the league. The visit of Hull was a chance to consolidate that position.

A string of early chances were squandered, as our boys seemed to have had a Prozac-drinking binge the night before. Another stupid goal was conceded after nobody took objection to Geovanni’s undisguised desire to lash a 30-yarder. He was allowed one, two, three touches as he dressed the ball, before hanging it in his preferred corner of our goal.

Yet another stupid goal was generously granted to Hull as another Hull player was allowed to show off his “scoring-against-the-gutless-Gunners” skills. A 1-0 lead at home had been squandered against inferior opposition.

Mayhem breaks. Arsenal fans go crazy about the result. The manager shoots off his mouth endlessly. The players moan up and down and repeat the pre-agreed mantras.

Our boys took it out on Porto 3 days later and were convincing. But then, they go to Sunderland, and then our front line resumed its vacation. They were completely unable to create chances until Leadbitter was allowed to ping Almunia from a remote location outside the 18 yard box. Only then did we come back.

We weren’t better at Everton but we came round in the second half of that game. We trashed Fener convincingly. We were capable at West Ham. We blew away the spuds for 89 minutes until the curse of falling Clichy staged a come back. We let a two goal cushion be deflated in 4 minutes! Against the bottom team in the League!

And then the tragedy of Stoke. Long throw cues panic in the Arsenal defence (though Toure was fouled by Fuller who held him and prevented him from leaping for the ball). Our players are stuck to the ground, and Stoke get two cheap goals. They had NO stomach for the fight. That’s why I would even hail Robin. At least he kicked somebody!

Earth to Arsene Wenger!!

Dear Sir Wenger, what exactly are you afraid of? Why are you so scared of the likes of Stoke, Sunderland, West Ham and Tottenham that you mess around with your best team to play them?

Yesterday, you changed the team to accommodate Stoke and it went badly wrong. We hardly had one clear-cut opportunity on goal in the whole game. Somehow, you managed to convey a sense of terror to the lads because the fear was visible in their demeanor the entire afternoon. They looked scared of Stoke and angry-angry perhaps at you, or perhaps just angry at uncivilised English football.

Play your strongest team. Tell the boys in defence to just calm the f**k down and attack the ball once it hovers over our box. They can do it. It’s not so hard really. Most times you don’t have to win the ball, you just have to jump high enough to make it hard for the opposition player to get it on target.

Go all out for the FA Cup this season. Yes, I know we have to show more ambition than the FA Cup. But that’ll at least shut up the “we haven’t won a trophy in 3 years” BS.

Stop trying to communicate with the media along the lines of reason and logic. They don’t get it. When they ask you what your thoughts are, come up with 5 lines, tested at the pubs that’ll suit them. Examples: “Chelsea and United are better than us”. Say it in any question you’re asked. Another example; “We need a strong dominant centre-half, we’re on a hunt for him”. Another; “We’re trying to improve our ‘strength in depth’. You’ll win them over, and they might even stop undermining the team and messing with the fans’ minds.

Earth to Arsenal fans!!!

I see a Newcastle type meltdown coming. Fans get so used to moaning that they lose all sense of balance and start advocating a solution to a problem that’s worse than the problem.

But I’m a fan too, and I know just how much it ruins my weekends when Arsenal capitulate. After the midweek game against the goons from Shite Hart Lane, I was completely useless the following day and I lost a bit of business as a result.

I can’t stand the fact that freaking Chelsea swagger about like they’re anything other than a rich crooks shiny toy. I can’t stand the fact that teams fear them and roll over against them. The idea of United wining back-to-back titles must have nicked a couple of months off my life expectancy.

But I don’t know we can do anything other than support the team, stop whining like a bunch of baguette-eating beret-laden Frenchies. That’s our club, our team our boys. Stop them in the streets and talk to them. Send them post cards. Let them know we’re proud of them, and they just have to do their bleeding best. Let’s ask for no more than that. And they’re quality. They’ll come through.

EARTH TO THE ARSENAL SQUAD!!!

You clowns are looking like you don’t deserve to wear the shirt. If you’re an Arsenal player, you’re the class of Arsenal, Barcelona, Manchester United, Barcelona, Marseille, ….whatever top team you regard. That means you simply don’t accept defeat to Stoke, or Hull City or Fulham.

You simply don’t accept defeat at all. PERIOD. Fight back. Leave your studs stuck in some thug’s knee. Most Premier League players are thuggish against us because we’re the best. You can only defeat thugs with thuggishness my friends. Get stuck in.

As for the younger ones among you; Wenger has put so much down on the line for you. He believes in you. He’s right, you know. You guys are quality. But it seems you don’t realize how life works.

No matter how quality you are, you’re shite unless you always prove it. The media don’t want to see you succeed. They hate Arsenal. They want to be right and Wenger wrong. So when you don’t constantly prove your quality, they’ll write you off, and actually say you’re crap.

I’m talking to you Mr. Diaby, you too Mr. Denilson. Mr. Song, Mr. Walcott, Mr. Nasri, Mr. Bendtner.

Boys, I’m serious. Don’t mess around. Just do the business. You’ll be football legends not just Arsenal legends if you do.

Do it for you, do it for us, and above all do it for Arsene. You owe him.

EARTH TO EVERYBODY/EVERYTHING ARSENAL!!!!!

STOP BEING SO REACTIVE. THE PROBLEM IS THAT WE ARE TOO DAMN REACTIVE, ALWAYS SEEMINGLY RESPONDING TO THE ENVIRONMENT INSTEAD OF CONTROLLING IT. We see that in a team that only responds to a conceded goal. We see that in a manager who has changed his lifelong philosophy of focusing on his team’s strengths. We see that in us fans who let our media-induced pain cloud how we see our team.