Ultimately, I too pray to all kinds of deities and am prepared to make all kinds of barbaric and unethical human sacrifices to make sure our lad doesn’t come back broken. The risk of burnout is a serious one and something that I feel is already a problem at the club. ‘Project Youth’ suffers, not through lack of quality but through over-exertion on players who aren’t ready for the demand. The likes of Cesc, Diaby, Denilson, Djourou and RVP are all constantly suffering from recurring knocks and bruises because of the immense pressure placed on them to play and perform at such a high level from such an early age

Yes, without an ounce of shame, I stick my head above the parapet and decide to write something only when we are back to winning ways. Sue me.

United you fall

What a way to end a truly terrible couple of months! I swear, since February, Arsenal fans have suffered more heartache than the cardiology unit at some underfunded NHS hospital. Watching the movie Requiem For A Dream before seeing a beloved household pet have a miscarriage while listening to REM can’t have been anywhere near as close isn’t as depressing as watching our beloved gooners in recent weeks. I actually heard that all the stewards at the Emirates were replaced with councillors trained in suicide watch. Rumours that bottles of prozac will replace the yearbook in next season’s membership packs have yet to be denied by the club. 

But alas, a great win and a fantastic performance against those dirty northern monkeys have revived something of a feel good factor at the club and not before time too. No throwing away of leads, no crazy, self-destructive defending and for the love of God, no giving away of penalties despite the best efforts of Gael Clichy on Michael Owen at the end. 

Five days on, I think everything that needs to be said about the game itself has been said but I’ll be damned if that stops me chucking in my brief thrupennies worth. It’s a shame it took 35 league games and three cup exits but that was the first time this season I could honestly say that this Arsenal team put in a ‘mature’ performance. Despite the obvious fears amongst fans that the same old narrative was to be repeated following Aaron Ramsey’s goal, the Arsenal stood firm. Koscielny put in the kind of assured defensive performance we unfortunately only ever see sparingly, Alex Song had Wayne Rooney more shackled than a sex slave in a sadomosochist’s sex dungeon and even substitute Andrei Arshavin did something that has probably never been done by anybody previously on the Ashburton turf; slide-tackling! THREE times!! 

As has been said elsewhere, it’s a shame it’s come too little, too late, but rather than be frustrated over what might have been, I hope the players, manager and us as fans can take encouragement and use this as a motivator to drive us on to next season’s quadruple success.

Cesc mad

One of the major talking points to emerge from the victory was the fact that it was achieved with talismanic Catalan Captain Marvel Cesc Fabregas. In his place came Welsh Wunderkid Aaron Ramsey who of course capped off a fine 90 minutes with the winning goal. More than simply getting on the scoresheet, people surely could not help but be impressed with the near telepathic level of understanding between himself and Jack Wilshere. The two dominated the midfield so comprehensively on Sunday, I didn’t even realise Anderson was playing until he was subbed late on. The fine performance of the Brit duo gives us an insight into a central pairing that can dominate for years to come. 

Of course, beating and dominating the best side in England has us wetting our pants at the prospect of these two playing together in future. This has led some to suggest that this now means we can say Adios to our captain. I fear some people are getting ahead of themselves because for me, this is insanity. Cesc has been the heart and soul of this team for a number of years. The effect on the team when he is absent or off form is so glaringly obvious and Sunday was merely an exception that proves the rule. When has the team performed so well without him previously? One swallow a summer sale does not make. Put it this way, imagine you were performing oral sex on your missus tonight and gave her one of the most mind-blowing orgasms she’s ever experienced. Would you then come to the conclusion that you no longer need to use your penis ever again? 

Yeah, thought not!

We all know the physical traumas that all too often afflict this Arsenal squad. Surely it is better to have Cesc, Rambo and Wee Jack all competing for those places rather than seeing one suffer an injury and having to go into that big, ugly Diaby shaped box against your wishes?

Jack the Nipper

Speaking of Jack, this week our future captain was selected in the provisional England squad for this summer’s under 21 tournament thingy much to the dismay of Arsene and most Arsenal fans. Fears of burnout and risk of injury have been thrown out there as reasons as to why he should stay. 

Ultimately, I too pray to all kinds of deities and am prepared to make all kinds of barbaric and unethical human sacrifices to make sure our lad doesn’t come back broken. The risk of burnout is a serious one and something that I feel is already a problem at the club. ‘Project Youth’ suffers, not through lack of quality but through over-exertion on players who aren’t ready for the demand. The likes of Cesc, Diaby, Denilson, Djourou and RVP are all constantly suffering from recurring knocks and bruises because of the immense pressure placed on them to play and perform at such a high level from such an early age. All of the above ended up overworking their young bodies during what was a crucial stage of physical development, doing themselves more harm than good. As result, they become more prone to injury as they get older. It’s not an exact science obviously but it is simple biology, innit? 

That said, and to completely contradict myself, I actually don’t have a huge problem with Jack going to Denmark this summer. As good as he is, more football, in different environments is surely only going to help his development and further his own football education. I genuinely believe he will return to Arsenal better for the experience of playing more competitive games. The fact is, the player wants to go and rather than force him to stay and have a grumpy teenager of our hands, why not allow him to?

Arse Pinching

The biggest bit of off-field news this week was the announcement confirming an increase in ticket prices. For anyone that isn’t blind, deaf, dumb or straight up retarded, the 6.5% rise has been the worst kept secret in football. 

Now excuse me for a moment while I have a wee whinge. I find it absolutely scandalous that the football club I started supporting as a small boy and have already put thousands of pounds following both home and away down the years can treat me with such contempt. I don’t just speak for myself but thousands of others too. I’m not even claiming that I will be most affected. People who have been going for decades are having to give up their season tickets because they can no longer afford them. 

Times are tough. Global financial meltdown has cost people their jobs and even their families but regardless of how many last minute goals are conceded and how many years without a trophy the team may go, there is always Arsenal; there to provide that means of escapism from everyday life. For 90 minutes each week, everything else is secondary. Forget the criticisms we blog, tweet or even shout about at the games; at the end of the day, through loyalty or just blind stupidity, people make all kinds of sacrifices, not just
financially but also emotionally and in their personal lives for the sake of supporting this club that they love through thick and thin. Now, slowly and steadily we are being priced out. Not every supporter is a city banker or corporate lawyer. Many of the 60,000 that show up week in, week out don’t earn the kind of money that the club are demanding. Where will the next generation of gooners come from when parents can no longer afford to take their kids to games? 

Tickets are already the most costly (by a good distance) in the league let’s be honest, we aren’t seeing much in the way of reward. The worst thing is, it is only ever going to get worse. Prices will never come down and before you know it, they will be charging upwards of a hundred pounds to watch the likes of Stoke and Blackburn park 11 men behind the ball. Yes, no-one has an obligation to keep going to games but rest assured football wouldn’t be where it is today without the fans. To treat us in this way, with this price rise, is nothing short of disgusting. 

The worst thing is, like a complete and utter mug I will still renew my membership. Tell me what I’m actually paying for.

Comic Strip

On a similar note, fans are set to be fleeced yet again with yet another new replica shirt. I stopped buying shirts a number of years ago and the only ‘new’ one I’ve had since Highbury days came as a gift. I have a couple of retro ones I wear to games and that’s about it so this news doesn’t actually affect me. That said, I quite like the simplistic design on this new one. Red body, White sleeves, no crazy lightening bolts, no misplaced blue lines, no frills, no fuss. 

However, what the bleeding heck is up with the crest? I appreciate we are commemorating 125 years as a club and that’s all well and good but seriously, it looks like one of those tacky scud versions of fake kits you see stallholders trying to flog along the seafronts in Marbella or somewhere. The laurel leaves aren’t subtle and just make the whole thing look a grotesque mess. It looks like a school art project gone wrong. Don’t get me wrong, what I know about fashion and design could be written on the back of a very small postage stamp and mailed to whoever is in charge of Lady Gaga’s wardrobe but I just think the badge is far too big, dominates the shirt and looks horrible. Not a fan. Perhaps it’s only there to confuse opposition keepers when the players are bearing down on goal. If that many giant laurel leaves were coming at me, I’d be convinced I was having an acid flashback.

Buy the buy.

Of course, as another season without success draws to a close, everyone and their mother’s hairdresser has an opinion about what The Arsenal need to improve their side. Nowadays, in these days of Twitter, Newsnow and other forms of interweb, these opinions become spun and ‘reported’ as genuine stories fuelling pointless and unfounded transfer speculation. For example, if I were bothered to dedicate some 500 words declaring why I think Carlisle United’s Peter Murphy would be the answer to all Arsenal’s defensive troubles, all it takes is one of you to tweet the words ‘Arsenal’ and ‘Peter Murphy’ and before you know it, it gets picked up and the back page of Monday’s Sun is talking about a £15 million bid! This week alone, I’ve lost count of how many ‘done deals’ have supposedly been completed by the club. My only hope is that after all this spending, the club have bought a bigger coach to fit all these players. 

Some people get annoyed. I say take it all in stride and just see how creative people can get. Just don’t go out a pre-order the new shirt with MURPHY printed on the back until it is announced by the club…

Looking ahead

Although not mathematically impossible, the title may just about be out of but a win this weekend followed by a draw at Old Trafford then who knows? We may well be allowed to dream once again. 

However, it is Stoke away this Sunday and as we have seen since their promotion three years back, the Britannia Stadium is not exactly a happy hunting ground for our lot. Two years ago, the arms of Rory Delap were to be our undoing in a 2-1 defeat while last season a meek 3-1 surrender in the FA Cup was followed by the infamous Shawcross-Ramsey incident in the league which completely soured a hard-earned 3-1 victory. Three trips to their place have resulted in two losses and a solitary win when football took a back seat. 

The goings on of last season have created a sense of hatred and name calling bitterness between the two clubs to rival any other. Much of the anger from our side is less to do with the injury itself but the simple fact that those cunts to this day refuse to take any responsibility whatsoever and still make out like it was that big clumsy waste of sperm Shawcross who was the victim. We’ve raked over the coals of this many times so I won’t go into it any more. Ramsey is back, fit and firing and as Arsenal fans, let’s just be thankful for that even if no-one else is. 

Our good friend poetic justice has fixed it so that Ramsey is now likely to start and meet Shawcross face to face. Put in the same situation, football would be the last thing on my mind but I expect that Rambo is far more sensible than I am. In that respect, this Arsenal side should remember that in terms of footballing ability, they are head and shoulders above any team Stoke will put out. Admittedly though, during this second half of the season and in particular their impressive run to the FA Cup final, Pulis’ team have actually become somewhat watchable – whether they revert to type against us remains to be seen. Arse old boy Jermaine Pennant will be a dangerous proposition on the right wing while any of John Carew, Kenwyne Jones or the vastly improved Jonathan Walters up front are capable of causing our defence problems. The back four will need to be 100% focused to stop them. This being their last game before Wembley, certain players will be fired up and out to prove a point. Once more, our trip to Staffordshire won’t be an easy one and I think it will be a big ask to expect to come away with anything. I’m predicting a draw. 

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