Ze position is simple. spend da dough and match ze numba of players goin out wiv ze numba of players comin in. at da moment, ze numbers no match. we ship clichy to shitty and it checks dig eboue to turkey. almunia iz gone back to da circus. now, me no wicked at arithmetic but dat means we need 3 players already. jenkinson dont count cos he scored an own goal from outside da area. gervinho needs a air cut. so we iz of da opinion dat we still need 5 players. now, we all knowz dat brazil is da wickedest

We iz da future of arsenal, innit. not da gaffa, not da massiv gansta gazidis wiv da ze wodge of dough, not kroenke dat comes ere once in de blue moon. we iz da fans, and we iz not chilled wiv ze proceedings dis summa. we az a quillion days to sort out ze transfers, and if u don’t mind me sayin, we ain’t done diddily squat. We iz brainiest, da fans. we know ze story. wot is a appenin in da house is crustitanion. we iz oldin out fa da massiv pay day, but it ain’t a comin, dig da rooney air transplant.

If u were a scholar of istory, dig i is, u know dat ze godfatha neva negotiated. he just chopped off da orses ead, innit. ze arsenal board need ze wisom of da fans. I will offa me advice at any time, me is so brainiest dat i won da village championship main man competition 2 years in a ruk. we iz able to impart carefully oned brinkmanship skills learned on da street corna, negotaiatin fa da fittest afghan snow.

Ze position is simple. spend da dough and match ze numba of players goin out wiv ze numba of players comin in. at da moment, ze numbers no match. we ship clichy to shitty and it checks dig eboue to turkey. almunia iz gone back to da circus. now, me no wicked at arithmetic but dat means we need 3 players already. jenkinson dont count cos he scored an own goal from outside da area. gervinho needs a air cut. so we iz of da opinion dat we still need 5 players. now, we all knowz dat brazil is da wickedest cukabilly side in istory innit ? so we need players dig maradona, cyruff, zidane, moore and da dig. we propose dat ze photos of these players is circulated to ze scouts, so dey can check fa players who check dig them around da world. simples.

Me old geeza always used to sayz ‘look afta squids son, and dat will check afta da pennies’.  We iz of da opinion dat from da quillions due our way fa eboue, almunia and clicy, we got a massiv bounty geeza. we can go shoppin in da arrods. but, john cross, da tabloid geeza innit, says we is shoppin in lidl.

Me numba on ze waitin list is 993429034892384,but if we get a wicked start, me threatun to pull out in protest. ze cukabilly will realise dwindlin elp and mebbe sign samba before deadline. dat is my current preya, dat da lord samba comes to rescue our defence. cos geeza, i already place orda fa multi pack pants at next. da jury is still out on everyone else geeza. we about is ready fa dis new season as cescys achilles.

Me crew told me da news dat we will play undinese and i nearly shat me pants. wot ope do weze ave wiv da mafia involved. gazidis is a wallflowa and we aint got any weapons. he ain’t no wartime consiwhatsit. walcott, diaby, wilshere is in a coma and cesc, nasri will be seein special counsellors to advise on their kidnap. thun we playin da mancs, dippers and stripes. fook me.  We iz not goin to need me supply of laxatives dis season. We iz for real pessimistic dis season. might borrow up and go abroad. seriously, innit. we got us as much chance as a air on ray wilkins ead. if ze board as listened to da fans afta we went unbeatun da whole year, thun none of dis would be appenin. a massiv stoppa, an artic in front of da back 4 and a world class strika. dis iz ze mantra of da fans, but nobody iz listenin. piece.