I’m sat here talking about how utterly inept this man is. At fault for both the second and third goals and giving away a penalty, Manual has added to his already long list of errors in an Arsenal shirt. Ask 12 different Arsenal fans which is his worst and you would get 12 different answers
Supporting Arsenal can at times be a very ‘Bipolar’ experience. One day you sit smug atop your ivory tower smoking cigars and making your servants fight each other for your amusement while basking in the awesomeness that comes with supporting the greatest team the world has ever seen. The next day you resemble an enraged, snarling, salivating beast that has had its offal sandwich nicked just before lunch after another frustrating implosion on the pitch. Another day, the team performs so well, you become as excitable as a teenage girl at a Twilight film premiere… on Ecstasy. Finally, you can be just be miserable, quivering shadow of your former self as the team contrives to get humiliated in a magnificently masochistic manner. Like last week, the preceding seven days has just about summed up the range of different emotions which are felt by the gooner fraternity.
West Bums
Where else to start other than with the farce against West Brom last Saturday. I was at a wedding last Saturday and when we were just sitting down for the meal at about half past four, Another guest on the same table asked me if I wanted to hear something funny. I replied yes and he responded by informing me that the Baggies were 3-0 up. I told him he was mistaken. He then showed me his phone to prove this was indeed the case. I proceeded to ram said phone down his throat, flip over the table, marched over to the top table, pushed the bride to the floor and glassed the Best man in the eye before spitting on the cake for good measure! Well, that’s not all strictly true. I would NEVER waste good cake… In any event, a lot of wine and champagne was needed to try and block out the result.
Having settled down to watch a replay of the game on the Sunday, I was shocked. Being shite is one thing but to not even try? This was complacency at its worst. The players underestimated and disrespected West Brom by simply believing it was a foregone conclusion before even lacing their boots. As a result, they got exactly what they deserved. Nothing. You would have got more effort out of 11 shop window mannequins. Ok, they may not offer much in mobility but I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t give away the ball as much as Diaby did. Post-match, Wenger said he couldn’t recognise his team. He wasn’t the only one as it looked they didn’t recognise each other.
Why, why, WHY, Almunia
Sometimes though, you play badly and get away with it. Not so when you have individuals who actively hand the advantage to the opposition on a silver platter, garnished with incompetence and idiocy. Step forward Arsenal number one, Manuel Almunia. Not for the first time, I’m sat here talking about how utterly inept this man is. At fault for both the second and third goals and giving away a penalty, Manual has added to his already long list of errors in an Arsenal shirt. Ask 12 different Arsenal fans which is his worst and you would get 12 different answers which should tell you everything about him. The third goal reminded me of those times when you play FIFA/Pro Evo and accidentally hit the button that takes control of the keeper and as you try to position him properly he just changes directions unpredictably. This goal highlighted just how bad his decision making is and how his continued presence for Arsenal is only ever going to hurt the team.
Keep on Looking
But then again, is this really Manuel’s fault? You wouldn’t blame a Skoda for not being able to win a race against a Ferrari. Nor would you blame a small stool made of cardboard for not being able to support the weight of an elephant. No. You look to the driver/Elephant keeper and query “Bruv. Are you serious??”
Arsene Wenger is the greatest manager this club has ever seen. His accolades and achievements are too many for me to list here as I tried and had to delete them because this article would be far too long. However, his blind spot towards his keepers is undermining him and his achievements as far as I’m concerned. How such a great spotter of talent cannot see that Almunia doesn’t posses a single iota of the stuff is beyond me. Almunia has never been anything above average. The fans in attendance on Saturday would seem to agree as the chants for a new keeper were pretty audible on the telly.
‘Reliable’, ‘solid’, ‘commanding’ are words you’d hope to attribute to your last line of defence yet I don’t believe his own mother would describe him as so. Wiser and more reasoned than me, Mean Lean told me the keeper’s mistakes shouldn’t cause me spontaneously combust but little did he know, I actually did! TWICE! How my charred remains have managed to channel this blog to you remains a mystery to both myself and you the reader.
I was never really an advocate of bringing in Schwazer and on the evidence of this season, I’d like to say I feel vindicated but looking at Almunia on Saturday, I would rather have an exhumed corpse in the team because let’s face it, the corpse would make less mistakes.
Play it again, Sam
The one bright spot albeit when it was too little, too late was the attempts of Super Samir Nasri to at least restore a semblance of pride to the proceedings with his second brace in the space of four days. Even with injuries, I feel we’re actually spoilt for creative talent. If hell freezes over and we have everyone fit, I have to say, I’ll be slightly aroused at the options we have going forward. Yes, I said aroused! If you feel uncomfortable, that’s your problem and yours alone. Prude.
Partizan Belgreat
And so to Europe and what was on paper a difficult game in Belgrade. Thankfully, football isn’t played on paper and with good reason too as the pitch would be cut to shreads as the teams warmed up before kick off. Speaking of pre-match shenanigans, the lights in the Belgrade stadium went out due to a power failure meaning the lads had to get ready in the dark. Something they ought to be used to having apparently played the entire West Brom game with blindfolds on.
The first half saw the drool-inducing Jack Wilshire and Andrei Arshavin (combined height: 5’6”) link up give Arsenal a deserved lead only for Denilson to literally hand the home side a way back in the game. I’ve already wasted enough words on Almunia so the little Brazilian gets a pass… for now! The second half was something of a procession of Arsenal domination and goals. I was shocked at how easy this looked given mine and many others apprehensions beforehand. The Arsenal haven’t always travelled well in Europe and a schlep to Serbia always presented a potential banana skin. Once they were reduced to ten men and despite Arsh missing the resulting peno, this match was only ever going one way. This dominance reminded until the final ten minutes of the game when something peculiar happened…
Is Lukasz really Fab?
Now, for a while I was certain that someone had switched my toothpaste with LSD (either that or fluoride has hallucinogenic properties) because I thought I saw Flappy save a penalty and them pull off another decent save late on to keep the scoreline at 3-1. Turns out it really happened and I wasn’t just on some wonderful, wonderful trip.
All of a sudden, if you look at Newsnow, the much maligned (mostly by me) second choice keeper has gone from Gordon the Gopher to Gordon Banks in just two flicks of a normally flaccid wrist! While I’m more than happy to actually see an Arsenal goalkeeper play well, it baffles me how much the headline writers are getting ahead of themselves. One good ga
me hardly cancels out the numerous errors of the past and it certainly doesn’t mean he’s ‘ready’ to face Chelsea. The sun even shines on a dog’s arse occasionally. I also find Le Boss’ I-told-you-so-smugness a little premature. Calling Fabianski ‘great’ off the back of one performance is unnecessary and, if anything, piles more pressure on the lad. Naturally, I’ll back him when he plays. I don’t get that some people want him to do badly just to prove a point. I’d happily be proved wrong and hope that Tuesday was a springboard to bigger and better things for Flappy but as of now, I still liken the choice between playing him or Almunia to having to choose between eating a pie filled with horse sh!t or a pizza topped with Jamie Redknapp’s semen.
Stoke-ing the flames
I didn’t want to give any airtime to the jibberish of the Stoke City chairman who is apparently still waiting for some kind of apology from Wenger for describing Ryan ‘the assassin’ Shawcross as a thug who kicks lumps out of any unfortunate soul who dares to cross his path. I’ll just highlight one quote:
“We don’t get the rub of the green. We had a penalty given against us at Newcastle on Sunday – and I’m not saying it wasn’t a penalty…”
THEN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING? YOU MAD, MAD OLD MAN?!?!?
Injuries
Checking into the Arsenal Royal Infirmary this week was Manuel Almunia who apparently injured himself doing the only thing he was actually supposed to do last week in making a save from a penalty he gave away. The initial diagnosis was that the the Spaniard injured his elbow. The second opinion was that he was just a rubbish keeper.
Looking ahead
This week it’s the lottery winning Chavs from West London. We all know what happened last season and if I’m honest, I have very little by way of optimism for this game. There’s been some fighting talk from Bacary Sagna and I’m hoping this can translate into a decent showing on the pitch. He is one of many who need to be at their best if we are to take anything from ‘tha bloos’. I look at the defence and I am worried about a team that has failed to keep a clean sheet away from home since we had a Labour government! Drogba is actually licking his lips and salivating at the prospect of facing us. In the middle, Cesc looks set to miss out and even than, I don’t see how we can compete physically with Essien and Mikel. I praised our attacking threat above but they will need to be at their clinical best to trouble Chelsea. Sadly, I see it being the same old story. They’ll allow us to play, and then pick us apart when we’re at our most vulnerable. It’s not showing a lack of support, its being realistic. God, I’ve ended this on a sour note. Here’s hoping the boys can surprise me.
Come on you gunners.
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