Is it fair to say that Wee Jack is fast staking his claim as an Arsenal first teamer? At the risk of sounding all Gary Glitter, I’m going to go the old cliché here; if you’re young enough, you are good enough

Arse weekly obvs 11/09/10 – 17/09/10

Been a while since I’ve done this but then again, it’s been a while since I’ve done most things. For instance, I can’t remember the last time I drank Tizer or watched Wrestling or wore my hat back to front or used the word ‘wicked’ or wasted an entire saturday just ‘hanging out’ in the park or on street corners. But I guess time makes fools of us all. Before you know it, the footballers/actors/ musicians that you begin to admire and ‘look up to’ were all born in the nineties, you struggle to remember your own sister’s name and actually start paying attention to adverts about erectile disfunction… and of course, Radio 4! You are almost prepared to knee-cap any f*cker that has a bad word to say about Radio 4.

Anyway…

Home is where the heart is

Say what you want about the quality (or lack thereof) of the opposition, our beloved gunners have gotten off to a flyer so far this season. While everywhere you look people seem to be (rightly) purring about the proverbial smackdown Chelsea are laying on the teams they’ve played so far, it would be wrong of these same cheerleaders to ignore what Arsenal have achieved in the infant months of this league season. Whether the team is capable of challenging for any major honours remains to be seen but a lot will depend on turning Highbury 2 into some kind of impenetrable fortress akin to that from Disney’s version of Beauty and the Beast – complete with talking Candlestick! The 16 goals scored in our first three games (including the 10 this week) will hopefully add that element of crap-your-Calvins fear for any visiting team to Ashburton from Blackpool to Barcelona.

The Joy of Cesc

Over the summer I started writing a piece on our captain and midfield Maestro that was never completed through a combination of disappointed-ness, a huge dollop of laziness, and a pinch of wait-and-see-ness. The gist of said article was that for all Barcelona’s cuntishness and the likes of Xavi and Puyol deserving a swift karate chop to the throat, Cesc’s actions over those tedious weeks was just as damaging. For a player who has always been quick to come out and dismiss rumours linking him with moves away from the club, his silence this summer spoke volumes. Even the most red-eyed gooner could see Fabregas was peeking over the Nou Camp fence wondering what life would be like back ‘home’. Had I bothered to finish the piece and stopped spending my summer days baking cakes… er… I mean, going to the gym, the conclusion that I would have drawn might have questioned the commitment and professionalism of a man reluctantly ‘forced’ to stay where he quite clearly does not want to be.

But alas, even though the writing never saw the light of day, I still feel it necessary to put my hands up and admit once more that when it comes to football ‘psychology’ I’m probably about as knowledgeable as Jamie Redknapp is on anything. You see, following his extended break over the summer, the last seven days has seen Arsenal captain Francesc Fabregas return to the sensational form that has made him one the best midfielders in world football over the last few years. Having been instrumental in the destruction of the northern monkeys from Bolton, the still-young Catalan king was at the heart of everything when Sporting Braga came to Highbury 2 and suffered the kind of humiliation you would only ever find on some weird fetish porn sites on this here internet.

If, as many expect, Senor Fabregas does leave at the end of the season, may he continue this kind of form and leave the gooner faithful with some happy memories. A trophy wouldn’t go amiss either.

Jolly good Vela

As the Arsenal physios attempt to put Robin van Persie’s limbs and tendons back together with Pritt Stick and that cheap PVA glue you used to get in primary school, extra expectation will fall onto the frail shoulders of one Carlos Vela (ela, ela, ela…) and if this week’s two cameos are anything to go by, the young Me’hican looks like he might finally be up to the task. I’m not going to jump the gun just yet as coming on and contributing when a game is already dead and buried (and again, can’t ignore the oppo) is hardly a measure of how effective he would actually be in more ‘taxing’ situations this season. But we can only hope that the three goals this week are a sign of things to come for the lad and that he can step up to the level expected of him.

The curious case of Andrei Arshavin

What to think of our diminutive Russian. One of my favourite players in the current squad yet you would be hard to find a lazier performance than the one he put in against Braga. For him to come away with a goal, two assists and a chance that hit the post quite possibly defies any kind of science you can to shake an atom at. If the visiting Pope wanted to truly justify the existence of some kind of higher power then all he needs to do this week is point to Arsh’s performance.

Jack in the box!

Is it fair to say that Wee Jack is fast staking his claim as an Arsenal first teamer? At the risk of sounding all Gary Glitter, I’m going to go the old cliché here; if you’re young enough, you are good enough. Aside from the orgasm-inducing backheel assist for Chamakhattack on Wednesday, the 18-year old, much like his inanimate toy namesake looked like he was playing with a coiled spring up his wotsit! Always ready to pounce whether it was to win tackles, make incisive passes or just getting physical with the opposition. A little more in the way of end product is what is needed for him to truly become one of the club’s most devastating players but even right now I wouldn’t hesitate to start him regularly over someone like Denilson in the middle of the park.

Squillaci

My housemate and I remarked that in being almost totally anonymous in both games this week the Frenchman must be doing something right. No scares, no errors, just simple, straightforward, no frills defending. More of the same please Mr. S.

Tackling and such

Barely even a month into the new season and we are once again treading more old ground than a lost hiker in the middle of the Lake District with an aggressive form of Alzheimer’s. Yes, Arsenal are once again believe themselves to be on the receiving end of some roughhouse tactics from ‘surprise surprise’ Bolton Wanderers. Allardyce (more on him in a bit) may have gone but as President Obama once said, you can put lipstick on a pig but at the end of the day, it is still very much a fat, ugly, unappealing bottom feeding farmyard animal that lives a happy life wallowing in – and eating – it’s own shit. Only this time looking like a transvestite. Ok, I’m paraphrasing but you get the point.

Once again, the finger can be pointed at Kevin UFC Davies and how people are trying to argue the Cahill’s dangerous lunge was not a red card has me more confused than when I tried to watch the remake of The Manchurian Candidate (seriously, if anyone knows what was going on in that film, answers on a postcard). Ok, the foul may not have caused Chamakhattack too much damage but it was deliberate, reckless, FROM BEHIND and made no attempt to play the ball. If you don’t get a red card for that, then we may as well all pack
up and go home.

The biggest culprit was the premier league’s worst ‘footballer’ Paul Robinson who could have crippled Abou Diaby with a challenge that was actually far, far worse than that which broke Aaron

Ramsey’s leg last winter. Astonishingly, Robinson wasn’t even carded.

And so, to the fall out when our manager has the nerve to discuss the idea that players (not just at Arsenal) shouldn’t be subject to such tackles, he gets rounded on from all corners. Which brings me nicely onto…

Mouth open, words come out

Having finally removed enough baby seal from his tusks to sound (relatively) coherent The Great Fat C*** has once again felt that the world needs to hear his paranoid rantings. According to Allardyce, Wenger has the media ‘in his pocket’ and is trying to ‘influence referees’. Completely ignoring the ridiculousness of his first point given that Fat Sam is using the media to set his own agenda in much the same way he accuses Le Prof, let’s, for argument’s sake, agree with the second point and, as a retort, ask what would be wrong in trying to ‘influence’ refs into doing their jobs correctly by punishing bad tackles? This is not just paranoid gooner ranting either. I cringed last week when I saw Bobby Zamora go down under that horrible Karl Henry challenge and regardless of when you think of Joey Barton, his treatment at the hands of Wolves a few weeks back was unacceptable and went beyond what should be allowed on a football pitch. The refs must stamp (no pun intended) this out. Is this ‘protection’ or a simple case of the officials doing the jobs they are supposed to? If a bad tackle goes in on any player in football, then why shouldn’t the perpetrator see a card?

In any case, as people are quick to point out, our players have made bad tackles in the past and would be reprimanded as much as (ok, maybe not as much as) everyone else.

Fatty just seems worried that if it were the case that bully boy tactics are seized upon then his glaring limitations as a manager would be horribly exposed as the only strategy he seems to know how to employ would have been made totally redundant.

Injuries

Checking into the Arsenal Royal Infirmary this week and collecting his free whole chicken having received enough stamps on his loyalty card is Abou Diaby. The Club claim he will be out for two weeks which in little-known Ashburton slang actually translates into 4-5 months. See you in the new year Abou.

Looking ahead

This weekend sees Arsenal take a trip up to the North East to play Sunderland and one of the few managers Arsene actually seemingly gets on with in Steve Bruce. The Black Cats haven’t exactly started the season in blistering form but that’s not to say anyone should expect any kind of walkover. Remember Arsenal lost up there last season and should be wary of the threat posed by Darren Bent and new signing Asamoah Gyan. That said, if we have any sort of title winning aspirations and with Chelsea 14-0 Blackpool taking place on Sunday afternoon, nothing less than three points should be the aim.

The away team have Lee ‘Booking’ Catermole suspended so, without wanting to jinx it, we probably wont be sitting here talking about bad tackles come Sunday morning. As a bonus, the game is on ESPN which means we’ll all most likely get to hear the pearls of wisdom from the scholarly mind of Chris Waddle. Joy!

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