As the fulcrum of the team (when he plays) a poor performance seems to reverberate around the entire team like some kind of weird footballing earthquake. Saturday was the perfect example of this. Despite dominating possession and creating chances, Cesc being out of sorts meant the urgency and fluidity was lacking from the game and The Arsenal just looked very flat
Hammering? Not quite
Given the form of the two sides going into this match, I don’t think it is arrogant to suggest that a lot of gooners were predicting a one-sided affair with Arsenal continuing their free-scoring form resulting in a 748-0 win over a rock bottom West Ham; a side that would struggle to even pick up a draw against a team of blind, one-legged battery-farm chickens right now. Such was the confidence amongst the fans, some chose to forgo the first quarter of an hour and show up late! ….What do you mean that happens anyway???
Anyway, Arsenal did manage to pick up the three points but it was far from the comprehensive victory that was expected by the Emirates faithful. No, what followed was an afternoon of aneurism-inducing frustration and some feeble finishing that made Rob Green look like a half decent Goalkeeper; something no-one ever thought possible.
The match was prevented from completely going down the toilet thanks to a late, late winner from the man with the golden barnet. Goal machine Alex Song headed in his third goal in as many games. Joy unconfined.
King Song
Yes, the man who was once considered so bad that playing him at all was akin to sharing a shower with a toaster is now one the first names on the team sheet. After honing his skills to become a pretty handy defensive midfielder, the Cameroonian has added goals to his game too. And not just the icing-on-the-cake-fifth-goal-in-a-5-1-win type of goal either. Vital goals (such as last Saturday). A few weeks back I bemoaned his casual neglect towards his defensive responsibilities and while I stand by this view, my dissenting voice will quieten if he continues to be as effective when contributing to attacks.
A-Cesc-ual
Song’s offensive contribution proved timely as Catalan Captain Fantastic was having, in his own words, a ‘mare. Ok, I’m paraphrasing but Cesc was clearly not at the top of his game. He pointed to his achy-breaky hamstring as the reason for his sub-par performance. If indeed he is being hindered by this, then we have to worry. I believe this will be Cesc’s fourth major injury this calendar year. Not good news given how important he is to the team.
As the fulcrum of the team (when he plays) a poor performance seems to reverberate around the entire team like some kind of weird footballing earthquake. Saturday was the perfect example of this. Despite dominating possession and creating chances, Cesc being out of sorts meant the urgency and fluidity was lacking from the game and The Arsenal just looked very flat.
Shak-en Up
To say that The Arsenal are quite reliant on their skipper would be a fair assessment but of course the team has shown on numerous occasions that they can get it together and win games in his absence. Sadly, Wednesday night was not one of those occasions as a Cesc-less Arsenal were deservedly beaten by Shakhtar Donetsk following a second lacklustre performance in the space of four days.
Following a great start, and another fine Theo Walcott goal (never doubted him…) the lads didn’t so much take their foot off the gas, they actually fell asleep at the wheel such was the relaxed attitude they played the rest of the first half. Facing a team with such a formidable record both at home and in Europe, we were only ever going to get punished. Eboue conceded a sloppy foul and the subsequent free kick was eventually put through his own goal by Craig Eastmond, a player so far out of his depth in this match he needed scuba gear and a sexually ambiguous Antipodean diving instructor.
Their winning goal was scored on the stroke of half time by, who else? Eduardo. This followed Gael Clichy inexplicably allowing the Shakhtar winger Darijo Srna to get the better of him and fire in the decisive cross for the former Arsenal man. The second half saw The Arsenal play slightly better but ultimately didn’t do nearly enough to deserve an equaliser. Jack Wilshere and Seb Squillaci did both miss very good chances that they should have realistically done better with but in truth, anything The Arsenal salvaged from the game would have been unfair on the home side. Even Arsene Wenger’s post-match interview intimated as much.
That said, as bad as The Arsenal were, both Shakhtar goals were down to our own errors. Errors you simply cannot afford to make at this level of football.
Clichy issues
This last sentence provides a nice little link to the main culprit of the second major mistake. If one player could ever encapsulate the juxtaposition of sublime and ridiculous in such a short space of time then it would be Gael Clichy this week. As much as we laud Alex Song for his winning goal, it would be a gross act of folly akin to forgetting to wear a prophylactic while engaging in coitus with Katie Price if we ignore the contribution of the Frenchman. You could tell it must have been Halloween because solely left-footed full back must have been dabbling with the occult in order to put in such a precise cross with his right foot. Ordinarily, you wouldn’t trust Clichy’s right foot to find the hole in his sock let alone pick out an Arsenal player with it so this assist deserved just as much arse-kissing kudos as the goal in my humble and ultimately pointless opinion.
You’d have thought that this moment could go someway to reigniting the metaphorical fire that I presume burns inside him like a bad case of heart burn following a deep fried kebab washed down with coffee and hopefully help him regain the form that made him unquestionably the best left back in the country back in 2008. Unfortunately, it was a false dawn as he consolidated his continued poor showings this season against Shakhtar with the kind of mistake that almost makes me pine for Nelson Vivas (yes, he who failed to pick up Jimmy Hasselbaink on the far post at Elland Road back in 1999. Sad times). The fact that he was in control of the ball at the time just makes the whole thing even more baffling. How he managed to concede possession and allow Srna to take it around him literally still has me scratching my head.
It is patently obvious that Clichy is currently not deserving of his place in the starting line-up. He is the only player aside from our keepers whose mistakes always seem to lead to goals that make me bitch and moan and generally behave like a spoilt toddler to the amusement of my so-called friends and family. As one of the more talented footballers in the squad, it simply makes no sense that he takes leave of his senses so often. Wenger didn’t address Clichy directly but post-match he spoke about the players ‘learning’ from Wednesday’s defeat. I would hope that Clichy is at the front of the class, doing his homework and making flashcards for his exams because he is at risk of becoming a French, left-sided Glen Johnson at which point we should just take him out to some far off corner of Finsbury Park, leave him there and hope he doesn’t find his way back to Ashburton.
Injuries
Usually, I take a satirical approach to discussing the comical Arsenal injury record because let’s face it, if we took it too seriously, we’d just be depressed beyond our wildest dreams. This week however, some news this week came out that was just so a mind-numbingly ridiculous it has knocked all the funny out of me. I’d always liked the Dutch. Maybe this was solely because of Bergkamp, I don’t know, but I’ve generally always wanted them to do well due in part to their well-meaning footb
alling philosophy down the years. Even at this year’s World Cup when they abandoned this approach to become the international equivalent of Stoke City I was still happy to see them almost succeed and wouldn’t have been disappointed to see them win the damn thing in the end. In the space of just 24 hours however, my view on all things orange have gone sour thanks in part to a pair of lemons in Bert van Marwijk and Dick Advocaat. The former has got it into his thick skull that Robin van Persie, paid by Arsenal FC despite missing the last two months with injury with no official return date set, is going to be fit enough to represent Holland in a friendly next month. Yes, a fucking friendly! Understandably, Wenger is peeved that one of his star players is being made to play unnecessary matches while question marks remain over his fitness. Bert’s response was the following:
“I’ve spoken to Robin personally and he is doing well.”
So it seems that RvP has spent all his time out injured acquiring a degree in medicine and can diagnose himself now.
Van Marwijk then follows this up with an arrogant dismissal of Wenger and Arsenal…
“Has there been any contact with the medical staff of Holland and Arsenal? I don’t know. I don’t care, because I spoke to Robin personally and I just made the selection and will wait for any comments to come.”
Twat.
Advocaat, one of the great managers in modern football that I previously had a lot of respect for and now in charge of Russia, wadded into the debate with his two pennies worth and accused Le Boss of ‘always moaning’. I think I’ll leave the last word on this to Wenger himself:
…what the national coaches are doing is like taking the car from his garage without even asking permission. They will then use the car for ten days and abandon it in a field without any petrol left in the tank. We then have to recover it, but it is broken down. Then a month later they will come to take your car again, and for good measure you’re expected to be nice about it.
Looking ahead
Hopefully, the performances of the past week prove to be a minor blip that every team experiences. Sunday sees the boys looking to get back on track with a home game against a Newcastle side fresh from their big derby win last week against Sunderland. The last three league games at the Emirates have not seen the ‘real’ Arsenal. I’m sure I’m not alone in hoping for a more convincing performance than we have seen recently. The visitors remain the same indifferent, unpredictable proposition they have been for a fair few years now so once more, the three points should not be taken as a given. They have players in their ranks who could certainly cause problems but if Arsenal are on top of their game, there will be nothing The Magpies can do to prevent the result from being home win.
Following that, the gunners are on midweek duty as they face Wolves at Moleneux. It’s going to be difficult to ignore the subject of tackling going into this game. Wenger’s agreement with Danny Murphy’s less than kind of words about the West Midlanders prompted a typically mindless response from someone who you would expect to know better. Wolves’ Chief Exec Jez (I still can’t get over this man’s name!) Moxey told Wenger in no uncertain terms to ‘shut it’ following Jack Wilshere’s recent dismissal against Birmingham. Aside from this act of crass and needless pettiness, I’m not sure there is really any ‘spice’ to this fixture although Wolves’ pantomime villain Karl Henry was dismissed at the Emirates last season for, shock, horror, a dangerous tackle. Let’s face it. Arsenal are better than Wolves so we will be hoping for three points there too. However, they have looked half-decent in recent matches against Chelsea, United and City, even picking up three points against the billionaires in the process, so again, it will necessary to exercise caution up there.
Here’s to six big points this week.
COME ON THE ARSENAL!!!
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