I can imagine him moving the table in front of his office door with Sandro Rosell banging the door down on the other side wondering what on earth is going on. Meanwhile Laporta screams ‘just a second!’ his shirt unbuttoned, tie loosened and fake tan dripping away

And there I was thinking that the breaks away from our league season for International friendlies was bad, this is a whole new ball game. (or not which is more to the point) My appetite for the world cup was expected to increase as the days go by and quite frankly that hasn’t happened. I am sure when the tournament kicks off I will discover my hunger again. In the mean time I have to make do with all these transfer rumours.

Joseph Cole’s head keeps popping up to say hi, it seems as if the tabloids do not agree on his next move. Some state that he is off to Arsenal, whilst others say that United and Arsenal have been ruled out which opens the door for Manchester City and Tottenham.

Well I have an exclusive for you. My best mates, aunties, nephew has a best friend, who’s dad’s girlfriend, not wife (please don’t confuse the two) but girlfriend’s brothers uncle’s neighbour is quite friendly with Cole and I am convinced that he is off to Real Madrid to join Jose Mourinho. Real are set to offer him the £130k wages that he wanted and Jose is certain that Cole can be Real’s answer to Messi. This is of course from my sources so if this doesn’t happen then it is absolutely nothing to do with me whatsoever and the same applies to all the newspapers who have their little exclusives.

The truth is, it is unlikely that anybody know’s anything about anything and journo’s are just trying to outdo each other. As I have said a number of times, I wouldn’t be upset if Joe Cole swapped the scummy blue for the delicious red and white of Arsenal but I think Joe Cole should be one of the few modern English players who should try his hand in somewhere like La Liga.

He is a technical player who has one everything domestically and should prove his talents abroad, broaden one’s horizon and all that.

Another player that is becoming popular on the lips of Gooners and hacks is that of French play maker Yoann Gourcuff. A player on top of his game at present but I just do not see Arsene going for him. Why?

Arsene Wenger watches far too much football as we know, he knows the French league probably more than he does our own and would have known of Gourcuff for a long long time. He would have known of him as a youth team player and I am sure he had the chance to sign him before he headed to AC Milan or at least when his time at Milan was coming to an end. He passed up on him plenty of times, just as he passed up on Yaya Toure. I don’t think that Wenger is the type of manager to miss opportunities to sign a player and then wait until his price is sky high before making a move.

Perhaps there is a part of the players game, character, attitude or whatever that Wenger does not want at Arsenal regardless of his qualities, who knows, well I suppose Arsene knows doesn’t he *insert winky smiley type thing*

The last rumour of the day, I promise. Fulham’s Mark Schwarzer is apparently in the Arsenal pipeline. The player came out recently and said.

“I haven’t heard anything other than what’s been said or written in the papers, so it’s purely speculative at the moment, I’ve got another year left on my contract at Fulham and I’ve really enjoyed my time there. I see my future at the moment with Fulham. I don’t see anything changing unless someone tells me otherwise.”

According to the press, things have moved on and he is close to joining but once again who knows what is fact or fiction. I don’t believe the theory that if the rumour appears on Arsenal.com then it will not happen. For a club that do their utmost to hide any ongoing transfer negotiations then that method would be a little easy to work out wouldn’t it?

It is much more likely that the dotcommers just add everything that is being reported in the press even if it is false or true.

I am doing my best to avoid the story but as I haven’t been around for the last couple days I just wanted to know if Arsenal’s fax machine was working. Perhaps it is unplugged or something because the message was not getting through to Barcelona. I thought Arsenal’s response was pretty final but it appears that they have either not understood it or the fax is being held in a queue.

I look forward to the day where Laporta has his bags packed and is ready to leave his role as Barcelona president. I can imagine him moving the table in front of his office door with Sandro Rosell banging the door down on the other side wondering what on earth is going on. Meanwhile Laporta screams ‘just a second!’ his shirt unbuttoned, tie loosened and fake tan dripping away from the vast amount of sweat that is pouring from his forehead. His mobile locked on redial to Arsenal football club in a last gasp attempt to save face and bring his egotistical project back ‘home’

That day should be next Sunday and hopefully everything will start to calm down after that. Laporta can sit in his living room swaying from side to side chanting ‘Cesc, DNA’ until he eventually keels over.

I really think we should go and poach the best 16 year old Barcelona kid the day before Laporta leaves just to send him over the edge. I think I better stop before I go too far. Wouldn’t it be funny to hear a drunken conversation with Wenger and Gazidis with that type of content. Certainly rather watch that than hear about Rio fricking Ferdinand on Sky Sports News.

Speaking of kids, we have picked up Dutch under 16 midfielder Kyle Ebecilio from under the noses of Chelsea which always makes it more enjoyable. I know 0 about the lad only that we have tracked him for some time which is good I guess. The fact that Chelsea were trying to sign him also bodes well. Settle in well me lad, apply yourself well and have some patience and the rest is down to you.

I am looking forward to the future, my 3 year old boy can hopefully watch the likes of Wellington, Wilshere, Gibbs, Ramsey and some of the many talents we have in our structure.

Back again tomorrow.

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