Obviously a few of the lesser known lights have left the club this year – Samantha Nasri, Frank Fabregas and Gary Cliche in particular – and we should really give them a tiny mention and wish them at least average luck at their new clubs. Their departures really weren’t planned but in the end we just had to burn some of the dead wood and those three were the last against the school fence when AOC and Ryo were picking teams. Sorry guys! Also, because this is Arsenal, there was just time at the end of the summer for the club to spring one more surprise on us. As mentioned above Jackie Lad had won the annual tombola but in light of recent success the club decided to hold a second prize draw on the eve of the new season. Tommy V was the lucky winner this time around and will be joining Jack at the

Roll up! Roll up! 

Welcome Gooners, Goonerettes and Goonerinhos! The time is finally here!

Amazingly, it will have been over THREE months (3 months 19 days to be exact) since our beloved AFC kicked a ball competitively. The way time has flown by this window it has honestly seemed like only a couple of weeks, but I suppose in the context of other teams’ all-too-eventful summers we should be glad that things at the Emirates have remained so calm. 

It’s a genuine credit to those backstage at the club that we enter the new season probably as relaxed and prepared as we have been. While clubs like Man U and Man City scrambled for bargain deals on Deadline Day our only real reason to check SSN was to see if ‘Shouting’ Stan (as he has affectionately become known) was giving another one of his hilarious interviews.

A few more of those and I’m sure they’ll be offering him a job, ha ha.  

Our transfer activity of course concluded on June 7th with the arrival of our primary targets from around the globe. The unveilings of Gervinho, Arteta, Young (the good one), Santos, Mertesacker and Benayoun were of course co-ordinated to take place during Arsenal’s fantastic annual ‘Medical Gala’, where old and young alike took turns to prod and poke our latest superstars in front of a cheering crowd. 

As always, the outcome of the medicals were determined by a show of hands from the audience and, as always, the vote was an emphatic and unanimous ‘YES!’. I couldn’t attend this year but did see some of the fantastic shots taken, including that brilliant image of RvP, TR7 and TV5 pretending to hobble off into the sunset together. Really memorable and iconic snapshot. Hilarious too, I’m sure you’ll agree!

As is also tradition, the players’  pre-season tombola took place with Jack claiming first prize –  a three month spa and health retreat at the Emirates luxury physio palace. Happy as he seemed I think he’ll be a touch disappointed to miss out on all the games taking place between now and his return. 

It’s never as much fun coming back to a team ten points clear as it is helping to win the matches that got you there, but at least when May comes around he’ll still be a line for a medal……or six!

Anyway, all of the signings have been looking fantastic in pre-season and their form bodes well for the coming encounters. Don’t forget that due to global warming and the unusual position of Mercury this has officially been declared a leap-season and hence will become the first 35-game season on record. The cheeky scamps at the FA have also given other teams a varying number of points head start over us, primarily due to our renowned strong finishes to the season. 

It may be neck-and-neck heading into March but you can always be sure we’ll pull ahead at the last –  I guess it’s just the Arsenal way!

We also have another year of Champion’s League football to look forward to. Unfortunately, Monsieur Wenger is banned from all European stadia for fourteen months after first poking a seventh official with a baguette and then, after the initial ban was announced, calling Platini a ‘battyman’ in his Facebook status.

Wenger will still be able to give instructions to the team from the UEFA-sanctioned cage he will be secured in on match days. A complex Crystal Maze style game involved levers, pulleys and a slingshot will enable him to work a pair of prosthetic hands through the bars in order to sign basic information to Patty Rice via 3G video throughout the game – if Patrick bothers to check his phone that is!

This method was preferred to the ‘What’s the Time, Mr Wolf?’ regulation imposed previously whereby you could give instructions directly but only as long as the nineteenth official’s back was turned. As you may remember, being caught by the official at any stage resulted in additional and incrementally more severe (but fair) punishments, including enforced slavery, death and talking positively about Platini on one of seventeen pre-determined public radio stations. 

I think, looking back, it’s fair to say that the new system really is a massive improvement.

A couple of footnotes to add before concluding: 

Obviously a few of the lesser known lights have left the club this year – Samantha Nasri, Frank Fabregas and Gary Cliche in particular – and we should really give them a tiny mention and wish them at least average luck at their new clubs. Their departures really weren’t planned but in the end we just had to burn some of the dead wood and those three were the last against the school fence when AOC and Ryo were picking teams. Sorry guys!

Also, because this is Arsenal, there was just time at the end of the summer for the club to spring one more surprise on us. As mentioned above Jackie Lad had won the annual tombola but in light of recent success the club decided to hold a second prize draw on the eve of the new season. Tommy V was the lucky winner this time around and will be joining Jack at the physio palace, albeit for a shorter length of time. Well done mate!

Anyway with or without them we should confidently expect to be five points clear by Saturday evening (leap-season points system) so let’s get our scarves in the air and sing as loud as we can. No-one can predict what will happen this season but you just get the feeling it’s going to be Arsenal’s year…again!

Come on Arsenal. Let’s make it a special one!

Sir Wenger Boyson IV

@WengerBoy1