So here we are with yet another does of my weekly round ups of all things arse. Admittedly this last ‘week’ has lasted all of two months but if you’re that pedantic about things then quite frankly, I don’t want you reading my nonsense. Go on… SHOO!
After the boner-inducing highs of the previous 7 day period, the realities of erectile disfunction were order of the day this time around:
The big O
Sunday saw The Arsenal continue this season’s FA Cup adventure with a trip to League One Leyton Orient in what many (me) were calling the proper London derby. In terms of personnel it was certainly a ‘cup’ selection and by God did it show. The match never really sprung to life as the purported second-stringers engaged in passing practice for around 50 minutes before finally deciding to score via Tomas Rosicky (Yeah, him). Equally remarkable was the fact it was a headed goal too. Satan was apparently spotted buying earmuffs and mittens as hell had appeared to have frozen over twice.
The passing resumed for the remainder of the game setting some kind of useless record. That was until the death when Orient’s Jonathan Tahoue remembered that he was playing against The Arsenal who are genetically programmed to concede goals at will and burst through the defence like they were a wet paper towel before hitting a shot that most actual goalkeepers would have still been expected to save.
Unfortunately, Manuel Almunia is not an actual goalkeeper.
The fallout from the final result was that The Arsenal are now faced with an unnecessary extra game in this already most hectic of seasons. Initial frustrations about this should be quelled by the fact that you would expect Wenger to pick a similar side who will hopefully buck up their ideas, realise exactly why they are currently considered part of the B team and get the job done on home soil. I love the FA Cup but it has been hard work this season seeing good players labour against lower league opposition time and time again. With all due respect etc, it shouldn’t take 5 games to get past Leeds, Huddersfield and Leyton Orient. The reward IF they can see off the O’s is a quarter final trip to Old Trafford. Joy.
Stoke-ing the flames
Wednesday’s 1-0 home win over Stoke City RFU was the harshest of reminders that the beauty of all that took place a week prior against Barcelona is the exception rather than the rule particularly where English football is concerned. After dining on steak, this time around we were served with expired canned spam.
Next time your woman goes on about her period pains, tell her that it doesn’t even come close to having to sit through 90 minutes of watching Stoke. As I sat in the Clock End watching the first half, I actually had a moment of existential despair when I genuinely wondered what the point of it all was if that is what I had to put up with. Stoke actually make me HATE football. I could have very easily left the Emirates before half time and not given a monkeys what the result was. At least I had a Seb Squillaci goal to cheer but believe me, that was literally the only thing to create a stir in me. The Arsenal didn’t get out of first gear for the first 45, mainly because the away side offered nothing… In fact, that’s disrespectful to the concept of nothingness.
Even as I say this, I have no real beef with anyone choosing to play a defensive game. I only slate this because it’s a frustrating tactic to play against, not because there is anything wrong with it. If that is playing to your strengths then so be it. There is more than one way to skin a cat. As the millions around the country love to point out, defensive tactics won The Arsenal many a trophy under George Graham and many of us had to spend years justifying that to people.
However, defending is only half of the Stoke City approach to what they wrongly believe is football…
I’m sure it’s not lost on you that Arsenal and Stoke have had something of a tempestuous relationship since Pulis and his horsemen of the apocalypse rode into the Premier League and started dismembering player after player with little remorse. Much is made of their overphysical style of play and Danny Murphy will tell you that it isn’t just some crazy Arsenal paranoia as many would have you believe. ‘Playing to your strengths’ seems to involve kicking teams off the park too.
We all know what happened last season so it doesn’t really warrant repeating in great detail but one of the most disturbing aspects of the whole Ramsey episode was the animalistic behaviour of their fans who actually cheered as the poor kid was being stretchered off not knowing if he was ever going to play football again. As if to remind us that this reaction wasn’t a mistake, on Wednesday Staffordshire’s finest seemingly only found their voice when their team of thugs were doing their best to make sure no Arsenal players were left on the pitch to contest the game.
Pulis realised once more that there was no way his team could win at football so sent his team out in the second half with the sole aim of roughing up our players. John Carew set the tone with a WWE style closeline at the start of the second period and things reached a horrible peak when Theo Walcott was stretchered off following Dean Whitehead’s ‘accidental’ coming together late in the game – much to the satisfaction of the baying Stoke mob.
What place is there, not just in football but in life, for cheering as another player is clearly suffering? They also chanted the name of Ryan Shawcross for much of the game as if to congratulate him for nearly ending Ramsey’s playing career. Whether the big oaf meant it or not, isn’t what is being debated here but for the fans to sing and celebrate this shows exactly how low a form of life they actually are.
The pantomime of these idiots was about the only worthwhile talking point of a terrible game in which even though The Arsenal came away with three points, at no point did it feel like a ‘win’. More reasons for this in a bit…
Bendt double
On a more positive note, both Arsenal goals scored this week were made by the ultimate hit and miss superstar Soopa Niklas Bendtner who continues to delight, confuse and frustrate in one simple swing of a size 12 boot. It’s still difficult to know what to make of the big dane. After a strong second half of last season, injuries, the signing of Chamakh and return of Robin van Persie have meant he hasn’t really had a proper chance to get going this campaign. Although often on the receiving end of criticism from fans, Bendtner can rarely be slated for lack of work rate. His two assists this week are prime examples as they both came from situations that he almost single handily created himself. He’s still some way from justifying all his self-promotion and big talk but if he starts getting the application right more often, he can say whatever he damn well pleases.
Injuries
Surprisingly, the match against the Stoke City Vigilantes only resulted in the two players checking into The Arsenal Royal Infirmary (Tony Pulis was visibly distraught at this fact…). Unfortunately those two players were Theo Walcott and Cesc Fabregas with ankle and hamstring injuries respectively. Both players look like doubts for the cruc
ial match at the Camp Nou in just over a week but more immediately both will certainly be sitting in the stands for Sunday’s Carling Cup Final.
Looking ahead – Carling Cup Final
Speaking of which… here we are. The Arsenal’s best chance of silverwear for many a year is upon us. So much has been said and written (yes, I understand the irony of me also writing about it too…) this week about this game. Almost all of it Arsenal focused and specifically about the fact that the club has gone, what some would have you believe, an entire lifetime without a trophy. That simple fact has seemingly made this year’s Carling Cup final seems to be the most talked about for a long time.
As such, from a supporter’s point of view there seems to be added pressure. The expectation levels for the team to emerge victorious are through the roof, not least because the opposition, without any disrespect to Birmingham, are a side that 9 out of 10 times Arsenal should be beating. Losing is almost unthinkable.
That said, there is a horrible unsettling fear of what might happen should the team fail to win on Sunday. Over the years, part of the reason the trophy cabinet has remained as bare as your fridge after you made the mistake of inviting Kerry Katona round for dinner is due to fact the team fail to ‘respond’ to set backs. Look at the collapse in 2007 following the defeat to Chelsea in which the following 10 days saw The Arsenal crash out of both FA Cup and Champions League. In 2008, a poor league run which ultmatatly saw the title slip away came off the back of a 4-0 defeat in the FA Cup to United. Last year the Barcelona defeat pretty much signalled the end of the season given the shambolic league performances that followed despite the title still being very much within reach. Even for the Invincibles four terrible days in April and two swift cup exits saw a realistic treble dream wither and die like a neglected grandparent in a cheap nursing home. This is where the added pressure comes into play. Failure now, in what is the best chance at glory could have a devastating effect and see the team continue to struggle to win the big prizes.
On the reverse side of that coin however is the positivity generated by a victory. As has been mentioned elsewhere and articulated far better than anything I can come up with in my sleep deprived state, winning this trophy could be the catalyst that kick starts what may well be a period of success for the club over the coming years. People talked about George Graham’s team, the confidence gained from winning the 87 League Cup and all that followed. Nowadays the competition is less prestigious having a trophy under your belt is surely a good thing, right? At the risk of over-simplifying things, success breeds success. Win one thing and the hunger for more is intensified. I don’t think it’s unfair to argue that had the lads held on in 2007, they would have had more in the way of fortitude to stick it out in the title race the following season. Win on Sunday and who knows what the future will bring as a result?
At the risk indulging in mindless platitudes, the Arsenal team have it all in front of them and Sunday is the day they must stand up and be counted.
COYG!
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