As the hours passed, something beautiful occurred before my eyes. Rivalries were put aside. Where petulant jibes and insults ordinarily reside, a sense of unity and goodwill had replaced them. The global football community came together as one cohesive entity to get behind a player who was fighting for his life. I was genuinely moved by some of the tributes and comments from all across the world.
But the sausages we’ve been eating haven’t actually been that bad, have they? Sure the quality has fluctuated but at times they have been pretty damn scrumptious and we’ve gobbled them up by the bucket load without a second thought. And let’s just say for one second that we did bring in a new chef and it was only after he started that we realised our kitchen didn’t even have the ingredients for sausages or caviar and we were forced to eat tripe for the foreseeable future. It was only because our previous chef had somehow managed to make tasty sausages out of old Fairy washing up liquid bottles that we had been eating as well as we had all these years. Imagine that. Then we’d be screwed, wouldn’t we?