Ramsey’s injury broke my heart. To see such a talented kid lying there with his nascent career flashing before his eyes was too much to take. All the moreso because us Gooners know how tough it is for one of our own to come back from such trauma

PLAYER OF THE YEAR

Squid Boy – Three simple words: Cesc F*cking Fabregas. What a player, what a captain, what a man. From being the mullet-haired seventeen year-old who made his mark in 2004, to the guy who became the cornerstone of the team in the run to Paris in 2006, to the day he rather sheepishly walked out as skipper for the first time in late 2008. Now he stands before us as a true hero. He may not be Arsenal born and bred, but the club is truly enshrined in his heart. Anyone who disputes just needs to look at his celebration when he scored THAT goal against Spurs this season, or the way he displayed balls of steel to step up and take the crucial injury time penalty at Stoke and his subsequent ‘shushing’ of Pulis, or the way he soldiered on with a broken leg against Barcelona. His stats say it all and I don’t think there is a finer attacking midfielder in the country, if not the world. Hopefully the song “We’ve got Cesc Fabregas” is still ringing around N5 for a few years yet.

Mean Lean – The very visible wall, Alex Song. I have never seen a player improve the way this guy has. A player that was f’d and blinded at away to Fulham to the same fans in tears when absent from the team. Mr consistency, Mr dependency a tank in the middle of the pitch. The way he holds off the opposition, spins and finds the pass is a sight to behold. Had he not missed our final stretch of games then we may well have been in happier spirits.

Iron Man – Picture the scene, London Colney. July 2009. An unusual crash of thunder and bolt of lightening strike. From the smouldering ash cloud of what used to the reserved parking space of Amauri Bischoff emerges a naked man. Or what appears to be a man! In truth, we later discover that he is more indestructible cyborg than human. The unclothed individual marches into the Arsenal changing room and squares up to Pip Senderos: “I need your kit, your boots and… er… your motorcycle”. What follows is a scene of unsettling homoerotic fighting in which Young Pip is obliterated and never seen or heard of again. In his place is… The Verminator!

Yes, that contrived and nonsensical intro is there to lead into the fact I would put Thomas Vermaelen down as our top performer this season. Let’s face it, Arsenal have not had a dominant centre half for many moons now and the little known Tommy V has stepped in with frightening ease and been a monster. Great in the air, strong in the tackle, good on the ball and has a hell of a left foot on him. His partnership with Gallas was formidable and seemed to be on their way to giving Arsenal the kind of defensive stability the team has lacked for a while. Not only that, his contributions in the goal scoring department have been vital. His 8 goals put him 5th in the Arsenal scoring charts this campaign. More than the likes of Diaby, Nasri, Rosicky, Eduardo, Vela and Walcott!

Ole Gunner – Cesc Fabregas. He was, in my opinion, also the EPL player of the year. No other player in the league matched the combination of leadership, brilliance, impact, and grit displayed by Cesc this season.

BREAKTHROUGH PLAYER OF THE YEAR

Squid Boy – Last year I gave this award to Alex Song, so for that reason I can’t give it to him again. Therefore I’m going with the new boy, Thomas Vermaelen. I vividly remember the quotes attributed to Tony Adams when we signed the Belgian, something along the lines of “well he’s a good player but it don’t think the Emirates faithful will like another small one”. Whilst far from a dwarf, it is true that TV5 is not the biggest of the blokes. However, he has proven that it isn’t about the size of the dog in the fight; it’s about the size of the fight in the dog. Vermaelen has that in abundance and I look forward to seeing him become our rock for the foreseeable future.

Mean Lean – This may be cheating a little but as he has had injury ridden season after injury ridden season I will give this award to Abou Diaby who at 24 may be considered a little old for a breakthrough award but the leggy Frenchman finally converted his talent into top level performances. I expect many raised eye brows from readers, manly due to his end of season lack of form but for a big chunk of the season he was a colossus in the middle of the park. Winning the ball more than most yet still being able to get to the other end of the pitch to score seven goals and five assists. If he can remain in the team and take another step forward then I expect a massive season from Abou next time round.

Iron Man – Nik “Big Game/Gob” Bendtner. I was never his biggest fan and never appreciated his arrogance particularly when his only career highlight was a few goals in the Championship with a Birmingham team that were a darn sight better than their competition that season. To his credit, in the absence of Robin van Persie B52 has gone some way to back up his boastful claim that he will be Arsenal’s number one striker. In the second half of the season he was hands down Arsenal’s most effective player. For everyone who was crying out for striker in January, if anybody we signed had a return of with 9 goals and number of assists since late Feb, he’d be hailed as hero. Time to start taking Soopa Nik seriously methinks and hopefully the increased competition for places next season with a fully fit RvP (Hey, a guy can dream) and Chamakhattack will see him get even better.

Ole Gunner – Aaron Ramsey never at any time of the season looked too young to be in the side. He has immense talent, and he is adding simplicity to his game. He deserves another award altogether for not hypocritically playing along but instead telling Ryan Shawcross to go f–k himself. If this boy were English, he’d be hailed as the best new thing since Bobby Robson or something.

DISAPPOINTING PLAYER OF THE YEAR

Squid Boy – For me there is only one ‘winner’ here: Andrey Arshavin. I nominated the mercurial Russian for the player of the year gong last season, and although the stats show that he has performed to a decent standard, I am still left wanting more. Yes he scored some blinding goals, and yes he struggled in the winter months in an unfamiliar centre-forward role. But as a supporter all I ask is for our players to give 100%. And in my eyes, Arshavin failed to do this on a consistent basis.

Mean Lean – I expected Andrey Arshavin to take the Premier League by storm this season. After an impressive debut half season last January we all expected the Russian goal maker to compete for player of the season but unfortunately that never materialised. He has never really looked a part of the ‘team’ this season. Often not in the game, declines to track his man unless he feels like it and has an infuriating selfish streak that cannot be great for team moral. He has played with injury for parts of the season and was used as an emergency forward so hopefully he can prove his true worth next season.

Iron Man – I could sit here and rant about how any number of squad members have underperformed, not put in required effort, not scored enough goals or just being Mikael Silvestre but I’m going to take this from another angle. My most disappointing player of the year has been Eduardo. I’m taking disappointing in the sense that watching him as a player today just invokes feelings of sadness. It’s easy to say that he hasn’t been the same player since his injury but even upon his return last season h
e still showed flashes of the brilliance from days of yore! This was supposed to be his big comeback year but in reality, it has been nothing short of tragic. The vilification he took for his alleged dive against Celtic was so over the top and clearly had an effect on him mentally. The poor guy goes out on the pitch and looks scared to get into games. If a tackle comes in, he sees himself in a no-win situation. Stand your ground and get your leg snapped or go down and be the new Adolf Hitler. You have to ask if he has the mental strength to come back from all these set-backs but I just don’t think he can. I doubt we’ll ever see him in an Arsenal shirt again and that is really disappointing given all the promise he’d shown previously.

Ole Gunner – I have 2 candidates for this one. No Arsenal player has infuriated me more than Andrey Arshavin in a very long time. He’s been ineffective, sometimes almost insolent, and selfish. All while talking endless rubbish in the press. When he criticised Gael Clichy by name in the media, I couldn’t believe how unprofessional and arrogant that was. If Arshavin played to his ability this season we would have won more games.

The other player who disappointed me this season is Samir Nasri. I love the boy. I think he already is a fantastic player who works his socks off. However a player with his ability, pace, shooting, dribbling, and passing, should score more, create more, and have a bigger impact on our results. He usually plays very well, but there are certain bad habits to his game. He would beat his man, but instead of driving on into the box, he would stop, look up and pass sideways for example.

Nasri disappointed, but Arshavin made me furious at least 30 times this season.

GOAL OF THE YEAR

Squid Boy – Nasri versus Porto. Not only for its technical brilliance, but also its timing. Having raced into a two-goal lead in the first-half, our infuriating propensity to let teams back in nearly bit us on the backside as the Portugeezers threatened to grab an away goal. Indeed it was Nasri himself who cleared off the line from a Porto corner, before going up the other end merely minutes later and applying the coup de grace. More of the same please next year, Samir.

Mean Lean – Andrey Arshavin vs Liverpool at Anfield. After a terrible first half the team turned it around and got back on level terms, Arshavin who once again hardly had a kick managed to receive the ball on the edge of the area, without any back lift at all he exploded a thunderous shot off the post, Reina left to admire the shot. That meant so much back then *sniff*

Iron Man – Cesc v Spurs. The commentators will have you believe that Tottenham had switched off or were at fault which in my eyes does our captain a disservice. They didn’t give the ball away, he won it the same way any midfielder would be expected to. When he picked up the ball, you knew he only had one thing in mind. Having beat three players, the composure in the finish was a good as any this season. The euphoria of going one-nil just seconds before was one thing but to see a goal of such beauty so soon afterwards was pant-wettingly exciting.

Ole Gunner – Cesc vs Spurs. To put the tinies in their place with a goal like that was just brilliant beyond words. Especially after I had missed the midweek game to the tinies and we’d lost.

ASSIST OF THE YEAR

Squid Boy – RvP for Cesc versus Wolves away. Receiving the ball to his feet from Sagna, the Dutchman produced the deftest of touches to lay it into the path of the onrushing Fabregas, who buried it with aplomb. All the more poignant because that was Robin’s last game before his ankle injury picked up on international duty. And how we missed him…

Mean Lean – EEEEEEEEmanuel Ebouway!!!! A Cesc like pass to the man himself, Cesc went on to score his second and subsequently injure himself against Aston Villa. The best cameo of the season.

Iron Man – Nasri v Burnely. I think it’s fair to say that Nas is struggling to live up to the hype of being regarded as the ‘new Zidane’ but the pass for Cesc’s opener that day was about as good as anything you would expect from the great man. As expected, a typical Arsenal attack had seemed to stagnate as Burnley managed to get about 14 men behind that ball. Nas received a pass from Cesc who, being the only person in the solar system that wasn’t expecting the Frenchman to shoot, made the perfect run into the box to get on the end of a simply amazing chip over the 23-man Burnley defence and give Arsenal the lead. Looks better every time you see it.

Ole Gunner – I’ll select Eduardo’s backheel to set Arshavin away in the home game against AZ Alkmaar. Ok, I know it wasn’t an assist, but it was a pre-assist so good that it split the AZ defence. Arshavin was able to square the ball to Diaby who had run 80 yards from the edge of his own goal area. Diaby’s finish was brilliant and did full justice to the backheel pass that set up the entire move.

MATCH OF THE YEAR

Squid Boy – Beating Bolton 4-2 to go top of the league. We knew full well that a two-goal victory was required to get top spot, and in classic Arsenal fashion we contrived to go two goals down. Step forward Messrs Rosicky, Fabregas (who else?), Vermaelen (who else?) and Arshavin. When the fourth goal went in was the first time I allowed myself to harbour hopes of the title, and the triumphant chants at the end of the night (“And now you’re gonna believe us…”) whilst walking to Arsenal station remain etched in my memory.

Mean Lean – I go right back to the start of the book, a lovely sunny day watching in a pub with a mate, excited to see how the team would perform and they blew myself and Everton away. It was everything I could have asked for. The goals were one thing but the fight the team showed along with the cool looking Vermaelen gave me a football climax.

Iron Man – In my bitter, whingey old-man state, I have to say I’m struggling to remember many games this season that I truly enjoyed from start to finish. There have been incidents such as the many last minute winners that have sent me gaga but often the preceding 89 minutes haven’t given me much joy. For that reason, my match of the year was the 6-1 opening day thrashing of Everton at their place. Having lost Toure and the other guy over the summer, we were told that Arsenal were finished and wouldn’t be anywhere near Champions league qualification. The toffees were one of the teams who were supposedly set to threaten our place in the top four and I doubt many naysayers thought we would get anything from Goodison let alone win so emphatically. It was just one of those days where everything went right and an absolute joy to watch all the way through. It’s not even a case that Everton were bad. Arsenal were just that good and once again, I don’t think people acknowledged how impressive the lads were that day.

Ole Gunner – Porto at home in the Champions League quarter finals.

It was one of those days in which we got everything right on the pitch. Nasri scored THAT goal. Eboue scored THAT goal. Bendtner scored his first hat trick for the club, and in Europe too. Our tactics were perfect. And Arshavin reminded us how good he can be.

At that point I think most of us felt with a little bit of luck, we could go all the way in the Champions League. It was also the last match in which we played quite well in the just-ended season.

BEST MOMENT

Squid Boy – Cesc’s goal against Spurs. As someone who was haunted by that 4-4 shambles against them last season, to score a second so soon after getting the first was pure unbridled joy. I imagine that’s what a multiple orgasm must feel like.

Mean Lean – W
atching the side show the mental strength that we all wanted to see against Stoke after that awful Ramsey injury. Cesc’s penalty, Sol’s passion and the end of game huddle. Goose bump stuff.

Iron Man – B52’s winner against Hull. Some goals just feel better than others, be it because of the significance, the timing or the opposition. This one was all three rolled into one. Significant because of the title challenge, the fact it was in the 93rd minute and because it was to be Phil ‘a lighter shade of’ Brown’s last game in charge of Hull. That was the one moment this season that caused me to lose total control and jump around like a complete maniac. Well, more than at any other time I mean.

Ole Gunner – My best moment this season was coming back to draw at home to Barcelona. It’s a strange choice I’ll concede since we’d been humiliated in the first 20 minutes. But I got home after the game, opened the door, let myself in and then punched the air a few times. I have watched the game a few times since then and it was a remarkable come back. After those first 20 minutes, it was a more even game than it seemed at the time, and we could even have stolen a win at the end but for Cesc’s injury.

WORST MOMENT

Squid Boy – two for me. On a human side, Ramsey’s injury broke my heart. To see such a talented kid lying there with his nascent career flashing before his eyes was too much to take. All the moreso because us Gooners know how tough it is for one of our own to come back from such trauma. The joyous events that followed paled into insignificance for me. Footballistically, the collapse at Wigan was an absolute disgrace. I am loathe to criticise the very players I support on a weekly basis, but they were not fit to wear the shirt that afternoon.

Mean Lean – St Andrews..again! The team were on a roll, brushing everyone aside. I believed that we could keep winning and Nasri had won the game off the bench, two missed chances later and Sagna had whacked the ball off Phillips and into the net. I turned and punched the sofa about four times, surprised I didn’t break my hand such was the upset. That draw was my worst ‘defeat’ of the season.

Iron Man – Ramsey. The incident was just so sickening. I couldn’t even celebrate the victory because I just felt numbed by the whole thing. Football took a back seat and the three points meant nothing on the grander scale of things.

Ole Gunner – The Wigan meltdown. I even F-bombed Arsene Wenger on Twitter. So revulsed by the collapse was I. On hindsight I am amazed I didn’t vomit.

WHAT I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO NEXT SEASON…

Squid Boy – I think all of us said it last year and it didn’t come true…so I’m not going to mention the dreaded word (hint: it begins with ‘I’ and seems to happen to our players more than anyone else). Despite being knocked out of the cup competitions earlier than last season, I do believe that progress has been made. The fact that we were in the title race until mid-April confirms this. So I’m looking forward to seeing more progression from the current squad members, plus the odd signing (or three) of defensive players ready to make a difference ASAP.

Mean Lean – I am going to continue saying this until it bloody happens. A ‘normal’ injury list over the course of the season. Continued improvement from the likes of Song, Diaby and eventually Ramsey. I am also looking forward to the rise of Johan Djourou, a player I like very much and expect big things from him eventually. Oh and I am also looking forward to us winning a trophy (ies)

Iron Man – The quadruple. You heard it here first!

Ole Gunner – I look forward to seeing the younger players continue to continue to develop. I am excited to see the likes of Gibbs, Ramsey, Walcott, Bendtner, Denilson & Nasri with another year of experience. I look forward to the return to form of our three underperforming experienced players, Rosicky, Arshavin, & Eduardo. I hope we get one ‘super, super player’. I look forward to seeing which of the kids will breakthrough in the Carling Cup next season. I look forward to us finally winning something as we deserve. Oh and I hope Cesc stays and someone kills the voodoo priest who’s hexed RVP’s limbs.

I firmly believe that our improvement next season will come from the younger players continuing to develop and the experienced players to be at their best. With more luck with injury (Lady Luck, you cnut) it is a question of when and not if this squad will win trophies.