Most of our players are not good enough for the Premiership. Adebayor’s 19 goals may include 2 or 3 goals of the season contenders but he’s just a fluke and arrogant pretender whose work rate on the pitch is as high as his complete usefulness

By: Ole Gunner

We are not good enough to win the title because, with 8 matches to go this season, we are only second on the league table tied on points with the leaders.

We are dismal because everybody told us we will be this season. Wenger has refused to splash out at least £100 million on players and so we end up leading the league all season and being one of two teams in Europe that have lost just once this season.

We are very bad. We needed 2 legs to eliminate AC Milan, the champions League holders from the tournament, after becoming the first British team to win at their San Siro shrine.

Our squad lacks depth. This season, not player in our squad has escaped missing at least two games to injury. Our squad is so bad that when injuries and the Africa Cup of Nations decimated our squad, we extended our lead in the league buy 5 points and not 15 as you would expect from a great squad.

Most of our players are not good enough for the Premiership. Adebayor’s 19 goals may include 2 or 3 goals of the season contenders but he’s just a fluke and arrogant pretender whose work rate on the pitch is as high as his complete usefulness for anything other than stacking high shelves. Why on earth would a strong team like Aston Villa want Justin Hoyte? He clearly would never make it in the Premiership. Who cares how well he played in the Carling Cup?

Walcott is the worst. It does not matter that he has had such an impact on our season in both league and Champions League. At 18 he should be a World Player of the Year contender. What about Diaby. He simply lacks class and will never make it as a footballer.

So fellow gooners, let’s just throw away our season tickets, fire the manager, disband the team and go support the Chavs.

With the Chavs you can be sure of the following:

1. The manager will spend at least £100 million a year. Who cares what he spends it on. Who cares if that’s sustainable? They won the FA Cup last year.

2. There will be no over-intricate wussy passing football. They’ll grind out 1-0 victories till Jesus comes to take us all home.

3. Who cares if they might not win anything this year? The point is that the press will always respect them because you see it’s all about spending that money. Get it?

4. You can be sure of easy draws and home advantage in every cup draw.

So there you have it. We are dismal. So dismal we still have a chance to win the league.

I want to congratulate Arsene Wenger and the entire club staff for their dismal record over all these years.